Thursday
Man, I love a good sharp sports action photo. Especially a local one.
John Wood has announced that it will be bulk mailing its personal interest class schedule next week. This is news?
The Whig continues its tradition of combing the wires for gory stories from around the nation. There's more going on in the country that freaks killing each other, you know. Let's see.....Pennsylvania, teenager stabs three; New York, two idiots try to cash a dead man's Social Scurity check by rolling his corpse to a store in a chair; Alabama, guy throws his kids off a bridge; D.C., eviction servers find five bodies. Maybe they should impose a quota on themselves....no more than two faraway gross-out stories per day.
Or I know, come up with a formula! That's the answer: number of corpses divided by miles away, then multiplied by 1000 to get a positive number, = Gross Story Quotient. So let's see....
Pennsylvania: 0 corpses, 926 miles GSQ of 0.
New York: 1 corpse, 1035 miles, GSQ of 0.9.
Alabama, 4 corpses (probably), 832 miles, GSQ of 4.
D.C.: 5 corpses, 918 miles, GSQ of 5.
Probably needs to have an different intercontinental multiplier in there too, say 100 instead of 1000. So 1 New Yorker would equal 10 Scots or Somalis, although the added mileage would actually make it something more like 30 Somalis. Any story with a GSQ of less than 1 would be nixed. Hmmm, this formula is a little rough, but with work I envision a patented process to make taste decisions easier for wire editors everywhere. Maybe a logarithmic scale for distance instead of a straight multiplier.
John Wood has announced that it will be bulk mailing its personal interest class schedule next week. This is news?
The Whig continues its tradition of combing the wires for gory stories from around the nation. There's more going on in the country that freaks killing each other, you know. Let's see.....Pennsylvania, teenager stabs three; New York, two idiots try to cash a dead man's Social Scurity check by rolling his corpse to a store in a chair; Alabama, guy throws his kids off a bridge; D.C., eviction servers find five bodies. Maybe they should impose a quota on themselves....no more than two faraway gross-out stories per day.
Or I know, come up with a formula! That's the answer: number of corpses divided by miles away, then multiplied by 1000 to get a positive number, = Gross Story Quotient. So let's see....
Pennsylvania: 0 corpses, 926 miles GSQ of 0.
New York: 1 corpse, 1035 miles, GSQ of 0.9.
Alabama, 4 corpses (probably), 832 miles, GSQ of 4.
D.C.: 5 corpses, 918 miles, GSQ of 5.
Probably needs to have an different intercontinental multiplier in there too, say 100 instead of 1000. So 1 New Yorker would equal 10 Scots or Somalis, although the added mileage would actually make it something more like 30 Somalis. Any story with a GSQ of less than 1 would be nixed. Hmmm, this formula is a little rough, but with work I envision a patented process to make taste decisions easier for wire editors everywhere. Maybe a logarithmic scale for distance instead of a straight multiplier.
posted by Allthenewsthatfits at 2:47 PM
3 Comments:
I think it was in Mondays paper, there was a headline that said,
"Man in hot water after boiling girlfriend"---no kidding. It was unbelievable.
The sensitivity level of a death should be a little higher than that.
I remember that headline! Meant to comment on it....yes, I thought it was in very bad taste.
C'mon. This is the newspaper that put the picture of a local man's head being blown off a few years back.
That sucker covered the whole front page.
Taste? Sensitivity?
This post has me LOL.
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